what to do for the bereaved (about grief)

When someone you love loses someone they love, you feel it. You know it must be awful and you are right. It is awful. And you would like to help them, but you don't know how.

Being near. Listening. Observing what needs to be done and doing it. Saying or writing I love you, I care, and I'm sorry.

Not judging or adding anything onto the bereaved person's plate.

Here are some examples:

Offer to answer the phone. Don't just hand the phone to the bereaved person, but
ask if they want to speak to the person now, or if they want you to take a message.
Bring an ottoman to put the feet up.
Get a glass of iced tea.
Bring extra ice to the home.
Bring food (in throw away containers, or labeled dishes).
Label casserole dishes as they come in the door.
Return casserole dishes to their owners.
Give money to the charity the bereaved chooses.
Hug and hug again.
Say I am sorry.
Say I love you.
Empty the trash.
Write down who called, what day and what time and what they said.
Feed the dog.
Allow permission in your own mind for the bereaved to do (or not do) the funeral, memorial service and all the traditional things in whatever way they want to without judging.
Offer to clean house, or part of the cleaning, sweep, dust, clean the bathroom...
Offer to keep out of town guests at your house.
Offer to help with gardening like mowing lawn, planting flowers, mulching.
Know where the tissues are and have them ready for everyone.
Clear the table after dinner.
Pay attention to the temperature in the house.
Go by the church office and pick up the music sheets.
Stay in the background and observe what needs to be done and do it if you can.
Let other people know what they can do.
Send a card.
Pay attention to whether the bereaved are eating and getting enough rest.
Let your children help you run errands for the bereaved.
Take them for a walk, or a drive.
Pick up relatives at the airport.
Be available.
Lend a bulletin board to put pictures of the loved one on.
Return casserole dishes to the owners.
Bring books on grief.
Be sensitive when you are on the phone with the bereaved to whether they are busy with guests, or about to eat (even at odd hours).
Offer to call people to tell them what happened.
Sign the guestbook.
Give the bereaved permission to sit and stare out the window, take naps, or other things that seem a waste of time.
Write a note about the loved one.
Talk about the loved one.
Inform the bereaved about Grief Support Groups.
If you have information about funerals, cemetaries, and so on, offer it to the bereaved.
Share music or words to hymns; write them out.
Do not expect a thank you note for anything you do to help. This is not a time for any sort of expectations to put onto your friend. I don't care what your mom taught you or what Miss Manners might say about it.
Give your expertise, such as, free lawyering, handy-man skills, lawn-mowing, massages, babysitting.
Ask the Holy Spirit to give you His leading as to what the bereaved person needs.
The body of Christ is a beautiful thing. When one part is hurt, the whole body suffers. Different people have different gifts and everyone can do something, even if it is "only" to pray.

You may think of scripture that you want to share. And understand that just hearing that scripture won't take the pain away. There is great comfort in the Bible's words for those who believe. You can share it. Sometimes writing it down for them to read later can help, since they may be so much in shock that they won't remember what you said. Just know that hearing a verse of Scripture is not magic and will not make the pain go away.