For Sale

Apparently I have someone interested but my realtor sent him off to the lender to see if he can handle it. I'm not getting my hopes up yet.

I hated to trash the trampoline, it being such a source of joy. But the girls both said they probably wouldn't have a place to set it up - wherever they are moving - and hauled it to the street. I am looking out the window at a man unfolding the jumpy part. He puts it into his truck and proceeds to the driver's seat. I go out. Aren't you going to take the whole thing? No, I just want to cover my fire wood. I say I have a friend who is interested in it for his kids. He gives me his cell number and we agree that if my friend wants it he can call. My friend does want it, so I hauled it back off the street so he can pick it up. The trash guys are coming today.

We slept on the porch again. I was planning to anyway, since it is so nice and the insect orchestra is playing nightly. But I had extra incentive in that my "to sort" box got sorted all over my bed, but not put into files yet!

In the morning the orchestra of bugs is taken over by birds. I watch the changes of the light behind the trees. At night they look like dark masses and you can see all sorts of creatures and objects in their shapes if you have any imagination. In the morning, the shades of green start to appear and then the oak branches.

I have my coffee on the porch swing. Lots done yesterday in the category of "puttsing around". I like puttsing around if I'm tackling things I've been wanting to do for a long time. I was looking for my ticketmaster gift card in my box labeled "to sort". It's a pretty white box, a convenient way to stash low priority mail and odd paper projects. It is sorted now, thus the piles on my bed. DON'T YOU LOVE THROWING AWAY PAPER?

So while this guy was looking at the house, I went with my daughters to look at a basement apartment. She is miffed that the guy doesn't want pets, 'who can cause damage and leave little presents behind when you move the sofa', while the place he is offering stinks like smelly basement and seems kinda hard to damage in her opinion. I say landlords make blanket rules like that because they've had bad tenants in the past. I waited my turn in the car with the dog, but they both got the creeps in there and said I shouldn't bother going in. However the guy called twice and said when can you move in? He wants her of all those who came to look. Apparently he rents out the other parts of the house to other folk. I'm more concerned about who this guy is and who else lives in the house than the stinky basement issues.

I called my in-laws to tell them I'm selling the house. Grandpa sounds old, slower in speech, but he appreciates knowing what we're up to. My son will be with them tomorrow and they're excited. Grandma says we can't travel any more and when are you coming to see us? An email to friends about moving produced MANY responses - all positive, very affirming. It is good to have friends.

I need to find that ticketmaster card because we are planning to go to see the Celtic Women and they might be selling out. Not finding it is at least getting me to declutter yet more paper in the search.

It is a good feeling getting caught up on all the things that need to be fixed in the house. And it's only getting done because it's for sale.

The decision to sell was a long time coming but there is no turning back now. I have so many pro/con lists I could wallpaper my house with them.
Pro/con: move or not move.
Move to the village or rent? Rent or buy?
Move to a place my daughters can live with me, or move by myself?
Rent out the basement or move?
Pay a realtor or let my son do for sale by owner?
Rent out the downstairs for studio space or move?
Get out of bed or stay in bed (ok, I didn't make a pro/con list about that...)
Move to the village or to the beach?
Move to the beach temporarily or move straight to the mountains?
Move to Seattle or Colorado or N.C. or the beach? yikes!

This is an adventure for sure. Scarey, and also exciting.

The realtor, J.D., has been over here several times in the past few years discussing the possibility of moving. This time I was ready....um, I think.
Yes, I am sure. No turning back. I'll grieve and move forward.

-- off to the flower nursery to get lots of red, fuscia and blue flowers with little accents of white. I lose my good sense in that place. Too many gorgeous colors! I bought pre-planted containers, which I never do but I wanted instant garden. They were all so beautiful gathered in under a little awning with bubbling fountains. A soothing sound that drew me in and slowed my pace. I guess that's why people put fountains in their gardens. I loaded up my cart and went home $140 later. An investment in the sale of my home. "Spend money to make money."

Bit by bit the long wooden planter by the side of the house sank into the soft earth the past couple of years, neglected. My daughter and I moved it so that it would be in view when you come out of the screened porch. Her end lost its two iron legs, rotted right off the bottom. But we propped it back up on them. I put 6 potted plants down inside, hiding their pots and had an instant planter. Looks wonderful. Vincas, begonias and impatiens in red, fuscia, pink and white.

Out front I set everything down and schemed. First the hanging basket went up: voluptuous red begonias and those hanging up-side-down purple and red flowers -- I have no idea what they are called -- and some brilliant pink geraniums. I extended the chain hanger so that it hangs just above the porch rail.

Then on each side of the sidewalk, oh boy, this is where I spent more time than I wanted to. I kept moving and rearranging until I felt the colors were balanced. In the end I needed more red.

My back is being iced. My right elbow feels tennis elbow-ish.

Anyway it was threatening to rain again that night. We were soggy from storms and they evacuated a town to the North of us due to the weakening of a dam.

I ask my youngest how she is feeling about moving.
It sucks, she says. (sorry)
She will have to grieve too.

I moved the books to my car, the ladder to storage artwork back into portfolios behind my new art storage chest.

My weeding method: Make sure the ground is wet. Take a flat shovel and slide it just under the soil loosening the weeds' roots and then grab them. Shake off excess dirt and pitch into a pile.

The dog went out with me but she ran and hid when I got out the hose to do the back windows with outdoor Windex, the one you attach to your hose. It works pretty well.

I took the storm window off the front and washed both sides. That is a big one and requires a screwdriver and a little wiggling of the exacto knife between the cracks to get it off, then somehow wrestling it back on because the black rubber rim is coming off making it too wide. But I won and the windows are clean.

There is such a long list of things we COULD do, but I know certain things are more important than others. And I know that my front storm window is cleaner than it needs to be. It's hard to clean half-heartedly.

I've had a ton of exercise but I still would like to walk the dog.
When I stand up after gardening and feel the stiffness in my back, I always love looking over the transformation that has taken place. I really like digging in the dirt and yes, I tell the plants they will like it here though in truth, they are potted and I intend to take them with when I move. The hostas are starting to bloom.

I didn't feel very happy finishing putting all my husband's books into my car. The last of his ministry and I'm just giving them away. I pulled out a few. It's good I didn't have my glasses on or I might have started reading one of them. Now my car is loaded up I'll have to find out which church might want these books for their library.

I'm not looking forward to telling my boss I'm leaving. No, that will not be fun. I have started feeling the loss at my job, too.

A Dream

We were a group somewhere working at some sort of conference. My dog was there, as were other peoples' dogs and they were all in soft sided crates put right next to each other in one area of a room. Uh oh, will she be able to bite through this fabric?

We talked amongst ourselves as people do when they work together. My best friend from High School was there and we were laughing. Our projects took us from room to room. Were we carrying and moving things? Setting up as in where is everyone going to sleep? Was it like camping only indoors? It was a temporary situation, but was it because of terror threats or loss of electricity? Something was going on, but all I remember is that we were in a group.

(This is one of my recurring dreams, traveling and working in a group. Most of these dreams I've had are about everyone else seemingly knowing what their place is and what they are supposed to be doing and I am sidelined trying to figure it out.)

There was a man there who spoke with me and others a few times and I found him interesting. I don't remember what he said, or even the topic, but he caught my interest. Our conversation was brief but I was able to talk to him and respond to his comments with something he apparently found interesting in return. He was nice, he was intelligant, he was funny and he was somewhat tall with a medium sized build. I think he was blond. He was I think from the U.S., He was educated well and listened to what I said. I also do not remember what I said. Later we all needed to go somewhere and I discovered I only had flip flops that were shrunken to about 2/3 sizeed. I was laughing and wearing them anyway. I said something about my daughters putting them through the wash. They were tight on my feet, but the place was cluttered and things were all out of place and it didn't seem safe to go bare foot.

We were lining up for breakfast, French Toast? I could not see the whole picture in my mind, only the people immediately around me. Did I have money? Did I need it or was it already paid for? Can't remember.

So somewhere in this event, this man, who remained nameless, asked me out. He asked me to go to Kosovo with him. He said there was a nice place there where he loved to go dancing, and he described the feeling of the place. Kosovo?! Do people fly over the Atlantic on the first date? Weird. I was shocked and I said something to him about what would I do with my dog? But I wanted to go. The dream went on. As he was going into the other room, I overheard him....say to his companion that I would have a good effect on him. I felt flattered and surprised. But shocked at the invitation to go out 'to Kosovo'. Now then by this time in the dream he was either turning into the star of the Gods Must Be Crazy or he reminded me of that guy. I was thinking Wow, he's a movie star and he asked ME out. I was working and he was behind me and I was aware that I was not in my nice clothes but in grubby jeans and not conditioned and feeling fat and wondering whether he was checking me out physically and finding me unappealing and changing his mind. If he has seen me and still asked me out, then maybe physical conditioning is not so important to him at our age.

My girlfriend came to me later and said that guy wants to know if you want to go with him, he was serious. Without a moment's hesitation I said YES emphatically and we were together again and I was apologizing for not giving a clear answer to his invitation. Suddenly he was a potential new husband not just a date and again I was amazed that he valued ME. He and I were both older and I realized that you kind of look at people more realistically if you've been married. In my dream I thought of him saying "Ay yi yi yi yi" like the guy in the movie. It made me laugh, it attractcd me to him for him to identify with the guy who was clumsy with women, but this man, I don't think, was uncomfortable with women. It was something else that reminded me of that actor, maybe his looks? His work as a scientist in Africa? I don't know. For him to take me to Kosovo to dance meant he had money. It also meant he knew how to dance and liked to dance. I began calculating how fast I'd have to take dance lessons and practice! Answer, you really don't have time to get dance lessons...he doesn't mean next month. But I have always wanted to learn to dance and I was thinking maybe he could teach me. I know I CAN dance, I just need lessons before I'm too old. How did he know Kosovo? Was he an intellect, a scholar, a diplomat, an international business man? He is a traveler. I want to travel. To ask someone to Kosovo definitely means he's adventuresome. He definitely thinks outside the box. My best friend didn't try to come in between me and him either. She didn't flirt with him and try to divert his attention from me to herself (not how it was back in the days...)

I woke up sighing.....a romantic person to release me from all my present worries and take me far away to dance in Europe. Someone who is smart and yet still finds ME interesting and values me the first time he meets me. As I was waking, I was thinking: I think this was a Christian gathering, but I'm not sure. Was this guy a believer? He did not say anything about it, nor did I. I would in real life have to find out before I said yes. And besides, even if he were, how do you go to Europe on a date requiring overnight stay and avoid the appearance of evil? Ha ha. I'd have to ask him outright: we're in separate rooms, right? and you are not planning to come into my room, right? Why do you want to take me out?

About dreams, all my dreams are weird, but for some reason I wrote this one down. Since I've decided to move, I'm having even weirder dreams almost every night, some are frightening but not exactly night mares. I guess I find this one a little humorous.