Tuesday, May 30, 2006

King

My son came again this past weekend, Memorial Day weekend. He came 2 weeks ago and cleared out all my big items, sofa sleeper, dining room table, stereo system, huge file cabinet and on and on. (See previous post)

They arrived at 2:30 am because he had driven himself to put in his flower beds and finish his patio. We all slept in. By the time we were up and fed, it was after noon.

He started with a little pep talk. We were going to attack the job, room by room. He cleared out the shed, heaving heavies over the fence into the yard, from where we dragged them over to the trash pile. I had to pull him away from that project since the shed is not even on my property and cannot be inspected. All sheds behind my house and the neighbors' houses are on the university's property, but this is just a piece of their woods and for now, they do not mind. But the main thing was to make room for the lawn mower and yard tools. There were ants and mice and a huge spider.

Next the work room, full of half used paint, out of place tools, mini-blinds, old electrical odds and ends, a drawer full of toilet fixing things.....pieces of wood and glass and screening,etc.

He made me sort paint. The touch-up paints for the next homeowner went on this shelf. On the other, paints I intended to use. The rest went to the hazmats pile to haul off to the special recylcing place. Even now as I write I am remembering one of his mantras: Is it worth enough money that you are willing to haul it and store it? like my extra cans of paint in colors that I want in my ideal office. Five or ten dollars for a new can when I'm ready...I think I'll go and add those to the hazmats. The silly voice in me is protesting: but I got such a good deal. It was only a dollar and it's the exact color I want.

We installed the drawers of my beautiful new IKEA drawer unit. I used my new power screwdriver, woo hoo! Since I'm not going to rent out my basement any more, I don't need it for the kitchenette...we put my art supplies in it. It has 12 drawers with glass fronts, very nice looking piece with a butcher block top.

The biggest relief is that I sorted my husband's books. The King put a stack in my lap and walked inside to get another with these words trailing off with him: "by the time I get back I want those gone. Left side is give away, right side is keep." He comes back and finds me opening and looking through one "No, mom, you cannot look at them. If you aren't sure, put them in the keep pile and sort them again later". OK OK, I say and I start flinging books. "Yes, that's it, he says, good. That's what I'm looking for." I don't know how long it took, but I was amazed that I actually got done with all the books.

That was hard, actually, just like going through his files. So many years of collecting books for his ministry. Books about missions, theology, discipleship, God's character, God's holiness, prayer, family, support-raising. I planned to give them to my church until I came across one that he had bought from our church library when they must have been culling their books....oh, well, that's just one book. Someone will be interested and helped by SOME of them at least. I wonder if they have room for them in our little study building. Or if they'll have to store them. If they don't want them, now, I shall have to offer them to a church with room for them.

I don't remember which ones, but I think I hugged a couple of them to my chest and sighed. Then there were our marriage and family workbooks, I had to peek in to see if they were leaders' guides or our own personal copies. If they had our hand-writing in the blanks, they got thrown away. A few years ago I probably couldn't have imagined I'd want to throw them away, though why I'd want to go through them I wouldn't know. Still, I did picture myself reading through them again one day. Tossed.

While I was sorting the books, he was organizing the bedroom downstairs. We stored the blankets and pillows in the wardrobe that used to be in my daughter's room.

We had eaten Chipotles, a very late lunch at dinner time. After all the rooms were done but one, most of us were ready to quit.....except the KING. He said we are not done. We attacked the laundry room. He made me throw out all my emtpy milk jugs which are supposed to be filled with 3 days of drinking water and 3 days of washing water for 3 of us in case of emergency. He said there are no hurricanes here. I whined it's not hurricanes, it's terrorism, and they tell us on the radio we are supposed to have this. (Of course I had the jugs but they were not filled with water. And the crackers and tuna and non-perishable food has long since been eaten.) Out they went, being rudely kicked and thrown towards the back door.

The dog cousins were underfoot at times "What's happening? What's all the excitement about? Do we get to do anything? Anyone want to play? Oh, there's the neighbor's dog! Let's go out and bark at him!" A few minutes later you'd look over at them and they'd be stretched out on their sides in identical poses enjoying the coolness of the basement floor.

The laundry room. Lots of "someday project" material went. The T-shirts I saved from the King's and my years as tennis players, which I was going to make into a quilt one day. There was a discussion about the reverse osmosis water filter. He said what's wrong with a Brita? I'm considering that one. I asked him to install my 3 new filters, but he did not. It is a nuisance to have to hook it up and I expect I will not have space in which to park it at my smaller house. It's probably time to give it up.

I tried to by-pass the cedar closet, that's just my winter clothes I said except I think my wedding dress might be in the bottom. He starts holding up things and putting the keepers on hangers. I ended up throwing out a lot of things and finding a few of my 'lost' summer clothes.

He kept saying, "holy schmokes and a pancake." and then he'd laugh. I finally asked him what movie is that from? He said an Austin Powers movie, that I don't recommend you go see....it was a Dutch guy who said something about smoke and a pancake and he added the holy to the smoke. Now I'll be saying it and I haven't even seen the movies.

Under the stairs, the last place, out came the suitcases and Christmas decorations and large pieces of art boards. Back in went the suitcases and a few sleeping bags.
My dear daughter-in-law swept everything as we went.

Then we all stood in the middle of the main room and the King said, "Now, Mom, how do you feel?" I said If I had finished only Dad's books, I would have felt I had done a huge thing, that in itself was huge, but we have done the whole basement. It feels wonderful! He said I know I pushed everyone, but I knew I was the only one who would keep us going and if I stopped everyone would stop.

I'm tired, he said. I intended to go upstairs and finish the mia and make rice or fu fu yam, but no one was hungry and I was shocked that it was midnight.

Why did we call him KING? In case you didn't pick it up, he was bossing us all around and we were jumping at his command. Long ago I remember a Christian speaker saying that the best government is not democracy, but rather a benevolent dictator. That is how he was functioning. He was unquestionably boss, but he had my best interest in mind, not his own selfish comfort.

We had to call the daughter in Seattle and discuss July 4th plans, so I called her and he lay down on the kitchen floor and was asleep within about 5 minutes. His wife had to wake him and get him to go to bed.

I am so blessed to have such wonderful children, including my son-in-law and daughter-in-law. My son has his father's drive and ability to focus on a project. He is distractable, but you wouldn't know it when he's helping me declutter and organize my house for moving. After all that physical work, I made him talk through options for paying my bills between now and when I have cash in hand from the sale of my house.

Next day we talked for a while over breakfast and then they left with the partially cooked mia, my kids' favorite meal from Africa. He deserved so much more than that. I told his wife how to finish it up. He will enjoy that. I just shake my head in disbelief at how blessed I am to have children that are so fun and make me laugh and help me and return love to me as adults! Thank You, Lord.

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

How Blessed I am

My son and his wife came for Mother's Day weekend. I'm selling my house and he helped me declutter any BIG items that I will not be taking with me. My realtor said you are not ready to put your house on the market.....get all your excess things out.

We walked through the house and every single thing I am not moving, he hauled out to the street. We put out a huge FREE (Gratis) sign and watched people come and take things. Thanks for showing me, Flylady, that it is not worth the time or effort to set up a garage sale, just GIVE IT AWAY. He had his truck and if you lived in the neighborhood, he put your couch on the flatbed and hauled it to your house. This was not just because he's a nice guy, but to make sure that if they wanted it and had no way to get it home, it would indeed be removed from Mom's front yard.

He did in one day what would take me 10 years to finish. I let go of many sentimental things. He helped me decide how to get rid of his dad's files. We did not take time to sort small things. That will be in the next give-away. A neighbor is coming to get my extra freezer and fridge when he gets a way to get it home.

What a blessing! Then we went out to eat. We were going to have a bonfire and burn stuff, but ran out of steam. He took each of his sisters out, one before church and one after. they came home with flowers and cards, including one from the dog, after which he showed me a picture on his cell phone of my dog with pen in paw and a card on the floor next to her! I told him he cannot leave. He does not want to leave because he wants to finish the entire house so that the only things left in the house are things I will take with me when I move.

We drove through the neighborhood I plan to move into and he did not like it. I think he got a superficial impression. There was one woman having an open house. Her place had only 2 bedrooms and was expensive. I loved it. She had opened up the floor plan and put in beautiful wooden windows and high quality detailing, very simple and very much my style. But I know there are no others like that in that place. And the reason for my move at this time is not to find a wonderful place, but rather a small CHEAPER place to live while I focus on my work. The son has come up with yet another option: if you are planning on getting to the income you need in about 2 years, why not just rent? Why make a down payment? Why pay closing costs? So now I have to talk this one over with my realtor.

Wow, all I know is that when he comes around, things happen. I invited him to help me and he loves to declutter and he's strong as an ox, so we did it.
Things I let go of:
gas grill
good quality sofa sleeper
my husband's dresser
large steel file cabinet
2 small file cabinets
sewing machine in solid wood case
matching lamps
kids' table and chairs
dining room table
2 captains chairs
oak coffee table
end table
tea cart
4 lawn chairs
badminton set
whatever else

I felt for my daughter-in-law because this probably wasn't her idea of a great time, but our beloved dogs, the cousins, played together and provided entertainment for us. She is courageous and supportive.

So I thank God for my children ALL OF THEM and I marvel at the strengths of each of them, and this time, the decisiveness of my son which he got from his dad and his drive to keep going and finish. My daughter far away wished she could have been there to help because she is also good at such things and keeps a clutter free life.

In the process of talking about their own stash of garage sale items in their garage, they decided NOT to go to the group yard sale and set up a table next weekend but to take the full trailer and haul it to good will or Salvation Army. Neither of them even enjoy it and they don't need the money. So that decision gave them their next Saturday free to do something they enjoy.

My house almost echoes like an empty house and I can no longer sit on my couch for my one TV show per week, The Unit, and pet my dog. I even gave away my stereo system intending to get a Boze when I sell my house.

God is good and I am the most blessed of mothers in all the world.

Time Out?

Today was a women's business seminar at my workplace. I signed up because I am the creative type who is clueless about business. If I am going to make a living being creative I NEED HELP in marketing. It was very good.

Now I plunked myself into one of our brand new wheelchairs and everyone kindly tried to push me, but I said it's good exercize to walk myself around--I have to wear my air cast for 6 weeks and I don't want my muscles to atrophy. I could feel it in my hamstrings.

First, making a business plan, which is what my realtor told me I needed the last time I talked to her: I want to downsize and use the money from the sale of my home to live on while I build my new career: writing and art (and always on the back burner...life coaching).

All the details were there -- more than she could cover but we have the hand-out. Many there were already in business and a good number of us want to start one.

Next was I forget the name, but the presenter was just a delightful person, someone I'd love to be friends with, a lady, a sibling of 8! She talked more in a fireside manner of speaking. She was slender and lovely and sat still. I wished I had a sketch-pad to draw her right then and there. You build relationships and it's not all about getting stuff from others, but about giving and sharing.

Third I went to was about the who, what, when, why, where and how of business. I think it was about continuing once you've gotten yourself started up. You wake up in the morning and ask yourself why am I doing this? She told us you will be all excited at first with your new energy but when it gets tedious you will ask yourself why in the world am I doing this? And you must keep going.

Lunch -- I ended up sitting with 3 other co-workers and one I did not even know worked with me though she has been there longer than I. Ooops.

Then I chose to attend 'how to get capital'. Informative. I intend to use my profit from my home, but on down the line they say you may be needing more and so I took notes on where to get it and what the risk factors are and the advantages of the different sources of capital.

5th was about balance and spiritual stuff. Felt very, very new agey, but I agree with the positive impact of love and the dissing of fear factors in your heart. Did not agreee that we are all connected and have all we need. At times she sounded like she could be a great African-American preacheress in a prosperity theology church....but she had ideas I agreed with: It's about love and giving not material hoarding.

So the entire group gathered again and more prizes were handed out. I had met one woman who sells art but I think only African-American art. I made a mental note to get myself a SCORE mentor and hire my artist life coach...it makes a lot of sense now.

I recalled my last conversation with my daughter far away who actually said out loud the 'starving artist' fear. She does not believe. But I shall ask her to believe and I shall not listen when she says no.

I wonder what my true dream is. If I am not painting, why? Do I really want to have a mountain retreat house and keep painting on the side? Do I want people? I saw my young single mom friend today at a traffic light. I honked gently but was unable to get her attention. I care what happens to her. I worry when she calls me. I sense she needs professional help, which I am not.

I went away with a 'free' business bag full of office type gifts and pamphlets with lots and lots of information. I am happy I went and sorry my daughter could not get off work to go with me. She would have been the youngest there I'm sure. Maybe next time.

It was a great success. I look forward to succeeding as artist and author and coach.