walking away

OK, it's been several days and the ones upons ones of readers are checking daily dying to know if I'm am buying the cute little storybook house. No. My realtor and our handyman added up real numbers. More cold water was thrown on the idea and this time it had ice in it.

I already knew that a whole lot of money would be necessary to move... way more money than I would have thought to add the bathroom and kitchen to the garage loft, and even more to make changes in the rental house. I whimperd a bit, but gave up and went home, thanking them for their patience, and happy that it was resolved.

I still think the Holy Spirit blew me by the house, just not so that I should buy it. The pro/con list brought out the good things about staying put. The pro/con list made me realize I do want to move in some ways.

When I started hyperventilating, I asked my coach to calm me down, because I was distracted from my job, making illustrations for my friend's poetry...which has a deadline.

It made me verbalize issues to my co-inhabitants, (my daughters) the issue being RENT. They are getting to be adults who "should" be out on their own soon, and now I have actually told them how much I need to get from the space downstairs and if they want to live in it, they can come up with the money. Otherwise, move upstairs. The thing I need to verbalize next is when they must start paying. Probably the new year would be a good place to start.

While I'm trying to learn to be a better mother and require adult behavior from my adult children, at the same time I see my managers at work struggling with letting my coworkers get away with cheating and laziness and I can't help but see the similarity. I had a chat with my manager who is probably half my age, and told him that by not firing the girl who sleeps on the job and gets into f-word shouting matches and has to be restrained from fist fighting, he's hurting the store, the customers and the girl herself long-term. He is nice. Yes, I would much rather work for a nice manager than a mean one, but leaving her on the payroll teaches her she can get away with bad behavior and still get paid. She's gone and her coworkers are glad. Though I had grown to dislike her, I sincerely hope she will wake up and grow from this experience, even if it's 10 years down the road when it dawns on her: "Hey, there was a reason I got fired. I was a whiney self-centered little twit."