A Well-Loved Child

The timer says 5 minutes. What's on your mind? Sun is shining in the east window but the old roller shade won't go up all the way so I cheat myself out of 75% of the sunbeam. Didn't sleep that well, a tickling cough. The remedies are available to zap colds these days...if not preventing them altogether, at least shortening them from 2 weeks to 3 days, and keeping them from turning into full-blown head colds. I blast my symptoms from the earliest moment with Vitamin C, garlic, ecanacea, Coldeeze, gargle, extra fluids and rest. Since I have used this method, I either get a short, mild cold, or the symptoms dissappear completely by day two.

The tall lovely young woman came to me last night in Smaland and asked my opinion about why African American women are so attitudinal with each other. She says many times people have said to her, "Are you from North Carolina?" because she and her mom are nice and friendly and smile a lot. She says women who grow up in our area are looking at each other in a judgmental way and are quick to fight.

I gave her my theories, the first being that with the history of oppression, and not only being oppressed and enslaved because they were black, but because they were women. OK, so they are at the bottom of the totem pole. Now then historic events have given them the opportunity to be free and have 'success'. I wonder if in their present freedom, they have adopted the attitude: By golly, nobody is EVER going to put me down again. (Can't you hear the feminist song: I am woman hear me roar....no one's ever gonna take me down again!) I wonder if African-American women have built their fence up thick and strong and you can see them peering over the top with their shotgun aimed saying to anyone on the other side of the protective fence, you take one step towards me and I'll blow your head off. I told her when we clocked out that some other time I'll tell her why I came up with that theory. It is from my own experience of coming to a place of learning about boundaries and putting up my own protective fence. It is normal to over-react when you are learning to keep your boundaries firm. Instead of just erecting your fence and going inside and enjoying your house in peace, trusting your fence, you peer over the edge and yell at people who even look towards your property: You had better not be thinking about trying to cross this line!

But there's a major flaw in this theory. It might explain attitude towards white people, or towards men, but not attitude BETWEEN African-American women, which is what she was wondering about.

The second part of my theory follows:
She described how some younger girls were looking her up and down at school and how she had to walk by them and could feel them looking critically at her. And she described how quickly a customer lashed out at her when she asked an innocent question. She thinks of the words The Angry Woman often.

I was thinking out loud and not putting a lot of stock in my own theories, just sharing them, since she asked me to: There is the breakdown of faith and family.

But here's my 2nd theory. OK, once you get out of oppression and you have freedom to work your way up towards power and "success", maybe there is a strong competitive drive: I'm going to establish myself (above you if necessary) for me and for my family. I am NOT going to be on the bottom any more. Do these women see each other as threats to their own success? If there is any validity in this theory, then being in a highly populated metro area like ours would ratchet up the competition all the more. More people, less resources, less opportunities...."if I'm gonna get mine, I had better grab on tight and not let go."

I love to analyze people and make guesses as to what makes them do things, but a much better source of information would be the young woman herself, and her African-American friends and family. I think I'll practice my listening skills on her and see what comes out of her mouth.

Oh yes, why did I title this the A Well-Loved Child?
Because after I started to get to know this young woman and observed her confidence and the appearance of being "comfortable inside her own skin", I remember thinking, "She must have been raised by parents who really loved her with lots of healthy love." Not doting on her, not disciplining her harshly, but healthy love, giving her affection, no doubt, but also freedom and encouragement to take responsibility and work hard and grow as a person. What a gift she has been given. She is such a contrast to some with whom we work, those who whine about every single thing that happens in the store, drawing attention to themselves. They may as well hang a sign on their shirts that say "Please feel sorry for me; my problems are significant, (but yours aren't).

Yes, I think she is well-loved by someone for sure.